Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hasta Luego

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

~Flavia Weedn


Friday, January 30, 2009


Did you know that anger in it's self is not bad...? but it's what you do with your anger is what makes it bad... that is what I learned in my counseling group, divorce care last week. Our lesson was all about the different types of anger and the good and bad ways to express your anger...

When I went to class I knew what the topic was about... and since I have been working on letting go of some anger that I have been carrying around... and doing pretty well. I was thinking that "oh I have this one in the bag..." What is that quote... " Want to see God laugh, tell him your plans!!" So I was tested... and I have found that I have a ways to go..

Then today... I got so angry with myself. I am so mad for sitting these last couple years and being stagnant...not moving forward with the issues in my life. Most of the reason why I was just sitting because I was living with my anger... and letting it dictate what I did. I knew back last May that I was being emotionally stunted by my anger... When Tory gave birth to Abby... I was so happy, but I didn't cry tears of joy and that isn't like me at all. I was also was holding on to the anger because knew I had a lot of pain that I wasn't ready to feel. So, I just sat back and let life pass me by... and now that I am ready to move on... I have to go back and take care of the things that I didn't take care of... I have to go thru the emotions that I've surpressed... this isn't going to be fun. But I know it will be worth it!!

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness.
Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.

~Psalms 31:1-5

Thank goodness for prayer and for a Heavenly Father that is loving and forgiving... He has so much patience with me... and, I have learned from him to have patience with myself and take one day at a time and one issue at a time. I know I will come thru all of this with my smile intact... I promise....

Speaking of promises... I was given the following poem from Nila who got it from Nicole.... I did some research and found that it is the Optimist Creed written in 1912 by Christian Larson

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Christian D. Larson

Love ya...Meg

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Yesterday I woke up way before dawn and was having a rough time...I sat in the dark and pondered and prayed as I watch the night turn to day... ... I was feeling a wave of emotions just under the surface and afraid to let them out. It felt like I just needed to have a good cry... but what if I did? What would be next... what was behind this first wave... was it just one good cry or was it more... I didn't know and I was afraid to find out....So I walked around yesterday in a weird place... all day I guarded my feelings and temperament... Not an easy thing to do!!

I went to bed feeling the same way... this morning again I woke up before dawn and this morning I was ready to tackle what ever I needed to face... I grabbed my ipod choose some of my favorite inspirational music.... turned it up loud... and let the what ever emotions the music evoked come forth... as I cried.... I listened to the message ... and I learned...about how much Heavenly Father loves me and cares about me. And, I was able to walk away smiling, with the knowledge that....

Hope in myself and in my future....


Sunday, January 25, 2009

For the beauty of the earth, For the Beauty of the skies...

This morning I woke up to my world covered in a fresh blanket of white. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I grabbed my camera, put on my snow boots and my heavy jacket and went for a walk around my house and tried to capture the peacefulness I was feeling.

I love snowy days like today... Not too much snow. Not too cold. No wind. And, before the rest of the world wakes up and before the snow plows come out... there is such a quiet peacefulness that I just can't pass up. I am amazed at the beauty that Heaven Father has created for us to enjoy.

I was able to capture the peace not only in pictures but also in my heart and carry it with me all day.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

My Top 10 Favorites of Winter

1. Cold pink noses and cheeks... with happy warm smiles

2. Wood heat making my floors warm and toasty

3. Christmas

4. Watching it snow... from inside

5. Warm woolly sweaters

6. Snowmen

7. Hot cocoa with marshmallows

8. Home made soups and fresh baked bread

9. Snuggling to keep warm

10. Jack Frost painting beautiful designs on my widows

With more than several weeks of winter still to come... I thought I would remind myself of the things that make me smile about winter... BYW... the pictures are NOT from me... I got them from the internet


Goal for 2009

Back in 2003 my niece, Shar came up with a mantra for her goal ... I took her example and did the same for myself... Looking forward too meeting this goal!!


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

TOP 10 of 2008

1. Abrielle Jean
2. group home opening
3. moving to new home
4. losing almost 30 lbs
5. Jolene coming home
6. Angel coming home
7. Tory and Brent graduation
8. Seeing and spending time with Curtis and Stefanie
9. thanksgiving dinner around MY dining room table
10. Never forgetting I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and never gives up on me!!

I know this is late... but as you can read in previous posts that things have not been real calm since the New Year. 2008 was great... and I am expecting 2009 to be even better. I can say that I am happy with where I am at... I love my family and especially my children and my grand-daughters... they all are the light of my life... If I could have one wish granted I would wish to have all of us together for just one day... to play together and have some fun and make some fresh new memories.

My kids who are around me... we are all so busy with school and work that we don't take the time to play together... and those who live far away... we don't get to see each other often enough... I love you all SO much...

This year we will PLAY!! and Play often...


Saturday, January 17, 2009


wanna give my love completely
I'd rather be alone than be in love just half the way
I want to find someone that I can trust

wanna give my heart completely
To someone who'll completely give their heart to only me
And when I find that one
That's when I'll fall in love

Not half but whole
With heart and soul
Not in between
But everything

That's the way it's gotta be
The way I want someone to fall in love with me
Forever wanna feel the word forever
And know there'll be somebody there forever by my side
And when that feeling comes
That's when I'll give my love

Not half but whole
With heart and soul
Not in between
But everything

It's all or nothing at all for this heart of mine
And I won't give up this heart till the day I find
Someone who needs me

Not half but whole
With heart and soul
Not in between
But everything

The way I need someone to fall in love with me

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Biggest Loser... Starts again...

The Albany Community Betterment is once again sponsoring The Biggest Loser.... We weigh in next Tuesday and then every other Tuesday until May 26th. Last year I lost 30 lbs.... I admit I have gained some back... I am still in my skinny jeans... they are tight... but I can still zip them...
Anyone willing to make a lifestyle change with me? You don't have to live in Albany to do this with me.... All you have to do is have a scale available... every other Tuesday!!
This year...
I WILL exercise at least 3 times a week!
I WILL drink 32 0z of water a day!
I WILL enjoy eating more fruits and vegetables!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A Whole Day OFF!!

I got off work yesterday at 3 pm and I don't have to go back until sometime tomorrow... I was so excited to sleep in my own bed... all snuggled down in my queen size bed... with Goober down at my feet. I went to bed thinking I was going to read for a little while... fall asleep and sleep all night long! Heck no!! I slept horrible... I kept waking up all night long.. at three I had to make a bathroom run at around 3am then I couldn't fall back to sleep so I read some more... I finally fell back to sleep, only to wake back up at 6am...and there was no way I was going to start my day at 6am... so I made myself go back to sleep... this time to wake up at 8am... feeling horrible and the beginnings of a headache....

I went and put wood on the stove... and grabbed a blanket and a cup of herbal tea... and watched Third Watch that I Tivo'd... so what did I do with the rest of my day....

Melissa made sure I knew what needed to get done.... she made me a to do list... gotta love her!! As you can see I did get a few things done... I did get the basement floor swept... but bringing in wood always makes it a mess again... and with single digit temperatures... I've been bringing in the wood... I also got a short nap in today too!!


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Choices...and the choice is mine

I met a new friend the other day... and for only having a couple of conversations with them... and with what I call their quiet widsom... they have helped me to open my eyes and heart to a whole new perspective... I asked them what their favorite parable was and their response was the 10 Virgins... because they had just read it and it was fresh in their minds... my reply was I didn't like that one because I am so disorganized I will never be ready for my prince when he comes... their response was...something like... it's all in my choices....

Their reply wasn't telling me what I need to do or not to do.... it was simply "it was all in my choices". what a profounding thought... Oh I didn't not like the sound of that one... the choice was mine... that thought has rolled around in my head for days...
When I went to Church on Sunday... I went with a whole new attitude. Yes... my poor lamp has been neglected... it has taken a few tumbles and it has a few chips in it... and my oil is way low ... way too low... but with some time(faith), some polish(prayer) and some work(obedience)... my lamp will be worthy to hold all the oil I put in it... I feel so GOOD!
Now... this morning I wake up and feeling low... I am at work again.... I love my work... but I love my own bed better... I am feeling defeated... I think about my New Years Resolution for the past 2 years... I want control back of my life... I feel like it is going faster and faster and I am losing control and there is going to be a terrible crash... we me hurt!! Well this morning I had a "Well Duh" moment... I don't need to take control of my life... I need to turn my life over to the Lord! I know how simple that sounds... but it was such a difficult concept to see when I was in my slump... I know those who really know me and love me know exactly what I am talking about... thank you so much for all your prayers and good thoughts that you sent my way!! I sure can feel them now.... and I'm Back!
And to my new friend... good luck to you in all that you do...and may you always pass on your quiet wisdom to those you meet.
Oh! and the picture collage are pictures I took last year of the St. Louis Temple... when I drove Gene and Nila to see the specialist for Gene!! I am so glad Ittok the time to get out in the horrid heat and take them... they mean so much more to me now that they did when I took them... I kept wondering why I was taking them... They sure give me such joy and hope now...
Meg... feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Okay! Okay!! Okay!!!

I call "UNCLE"... I will BLOG!! Life has been more than just the usual CrAZy around here... My client's Mom called and told me that she would be coming to get her on the 23rd and keeping her until the 28th... Christy flew down to Florida to spend time with Joshua... I think the 80* weather had a lot to do with her decision to go...

On Christmas Eve I got busy and finished up Christmas stuff... I sat at home and watched chick flicks and wrapped presents... I cleaned the house and got all I could get ready completed... We went over to Nila and Gene's and had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and reading of the Christmas Story... We all laughed and remembered the fights and tears of who would get to put baby Jesus in the manger... Angel got to do it with no fights... Maybe in a few years she will have to share the honor with Abby... When we were done reading we opened the traditional Christmas Eve gift... Pajama's!!

I have some fun memories of celebrating Christmas eve... The time we had the cousins act out the characters... The time at Thanksgiving each cousin was assigned a manger scene character and had to use their artistic abilities and create there character then share it on Christmas Eve... My fondest Christmas Eve was in 1996 right after my Mom passed away.... I had lots of family surround me with their love and support... I had 26 people over to my house and we laughed and rejoiced in the spirit of the holiday!!

Back to this year... On Christmas morning Melissa had me up so she could open all her presents... She told me she had waited her whole life for these 2 years where she would be an only child! And she would be spoiled. The rest of the family was scheduled to come over at 10:30am for the continuation of the presents... We had fun!!

I made Christmas dinner.... Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberries, ham, corn and green beans... and home made rolls!! For dessert Jolene made pumpkin pie and I made cheesecake... we were as usual too full to eat dessert...

At some point during the day we played "Trouble" ... I quit early because Abby needed a bottle. After everyone left I cleaned up so I could sleep in on 12/26... and sleep in I did... I got up and was a couch potato... I didn't even get on the computer... I might have but the lap top was at the group home and I was to lazy to get up and go into the office and get on the desk top... about the only thing I got up to do was to go to the basement and stoke the wood stove.. or get something to eat...In the late after noon I got a call from my clients mom asking me if we had fed her something different...because she was having an itching reaction and Benadryl was not working...
I didn't know of anything...

After being a literal bum for 2 days... I get a call from clients Mom and they are headed to ER because She is in such distress... They gave her more meds and sent us on her way... On Monday a her condition didn't improve... I took her to her regular Dr and she didn't know... Monday night we were back in the ER because we could not get the itching to stop... more meds and back home. Tuesday we had appointments at her Neurologist and Dermatologist... more meds again... this time they say she has a skin condition. She has to have all her clothes washed in fragrance FREE detergent... Wednesday she seems better and I am a laundry hag... I washed ALL her clothes and blankets... Thursday she is bad again.... but we can keep her comfortable... Friday she is getting worse.... Friday night we are back at the ER... The fill her full of antihistamines and sedatives... She sleeps Friday night... They are just keeping her doped up to keep her comfortable... Saturday night I have a talk with her mom and we decided she needs to be under the care of the Dr who has treated her since first diagnosed with Rett's... I call the Dr and we get it set up to have her transferred down to St. Joe to Heartland... Monday I go with her by ambulance to Heartland and we get checked in... They decide to change her seizure meds... She stops itching... but she is a totally different girl... for being non-verbal she sure was verbal Tuesday morning... some words you can understand... like pizza... she said pizza over and over again. Since she was no longer on IV we went for a walk down the halls and she was just talking to anyone or anything... it was so fun to watch her... she had miserable for so long!! Her euphoria lasted all day... and all night long... I finally climbed into bed with her to get her to calm down and go to sleep...and of course just as she falls asleep the CNA comes in to take her vitals.. .I asked him.... "Do you HAVE to do that now? I just got her to sleep!!" He left and didn't come back until she was awake... When I asked the Dr about her euphoria she said it is her coming off the old medication and her getting use to the new one... Each day when I wake her up I wonder who will she be today.... On Thursday she was once again verbal and active.... she was up and down off the couch... and talking to the TV.... yesterday she had an attitude and spit breakfast on me and tried to hit me... I just grab her and give her hugs... that always calms her down... This morning she is just happy and calm... Whew... what a week!! I am glad she is home and back on track!!